Therapy IRL: The Art Of Staying Steady In Unsteady Times

To be a Black woman at this time, as it has always been, requires holding challenges along with triumphs.

And social media has been particularly instructive on the state of the Black woman this month. Whether showing the freedom and joy Black mothers felt after dropping their kids off for the first day of school, the athletic skills of a Black woman acknowledging the third anniversary of #FadeInTheWater, celebrations of Black families and friends gathering for connection and community in Martha’s Vineyard, or a lamenting of the economic position skilled Black professionals have been put in– likely for the first time in their careers–August has already been a doozy.

But what if the challenges feel like they’re winning out, especially when it comes to how we see ourselves as professional women?

When we’ve earned the degrees, gone to the right networking events, followed the rules, moved into the right neighborhoods, what do we do then?

It may be hitting especially hard for women who now find themselves at the start of the school year asking how they are going to afford the tuition for their child’s elite education or after-school extracurricular activities, as over 600,000 Black women have lost their jobs in this destructive economy, disproportionately impacting us.

You may ask yourself how to navigate job security, identity, relationships, parenting, and professional growth at the same time. In this month’s Therapy IRL, we will explore how to keep that head held high, even when our accounts may be low.

1) Rest and resist.

In a country that has always demanded more of Black women than others, acknowledge times for resting. We see you sis: you’re applying to 500 jobs a week. You’re working those networks. But be sure to find time to also meditate, get close to a water source, and regulate your nervous system. It may be in this exact moment that you are being called to rest. The system is designed to tire you out and make you exhausted—don’t let it win.

At the same time, it is critical to keep your voice strong and steeled for the opposition. For women who have retained their jobs, especially in corporate America, it may feel like you can’t speak out or champion diversity efforts. That you’re walking on eggshells just to get through the front door. Whether at work or in the community, be sure that you feel agency in everything you do. Stay tapped into your organizations, friend groups, and civic societies to ensure that these same tired tactics won’t work for future generations. Which brings us to perhaps the most crucial of strategies in the coming months.

2) Vote and have a voice.

Remember the 92%? We’re sure many of you were a part of it. And ain’t it funny—the same ones who actively voted against this current administration are now the ones being disproportionately impacted by it? Well, our lives are no laughing matter. And political participation isn’t either. Exercising our right to vote is crucial to our mental health and well-being.

What’s more, it is imperative that our voices are heard in the coming election. Voting rights are being attacked rapidly, sothatyou vote andwhoyou vote for is of great importance. It may seem that you aren’t being heard from prior elections, but don’t let the rhetoric stop you from resisting in all the ways you can, including destroying the current movement that is challenging our power at the voting booth (or via mail).

3) Remember and re-member

Finally, remember that what you’re experiencing right now is a symptom of the system. Indeed, the system is working precisely the way that it is supposed to. It is critical not to internalize any of these feelings about worth, value, or competency during moments like this. Remember who you are with exercises like this reflection practice and affirmations that remind you who you are.

Be also ever mindful of your community—the members who have come before and are around you at all times. Let us tap back into our systems of care, our mutual aid societies, our power together, all to (re)member and unify for such a time as this. The process of dis-memory and dismembering work hand in hand—to sever the self and community from our collective knowledge. We will repair and rejoin to regain our collective strength.

It goes without saying that we are in challenging times. But a life well lived is not one without hard seasons—it is one in which you attend to yourself through them. Give yourself grace when you feel like you don’t have it all together and ensure that you are telling others how we can show up for you. But, most importantly, keep going. Not because it’s easy. Not because the jobs are plentiful. Not because the account is overflowing. But because your worth is not determined by your success on paper—it is how you see care for yourself in and through these very times.

Riana Elyse Anderson, PhD, is a licensed clinical and community psychologist, associate professor at Columbia University’s School of Social Work, and affiliate with Harvard’s Hutchins Center for African & African American Research and FXB Center for Health and Human Rights. She is a Public Voices Fellow of The OpEd Project in Partnership with the National Black Child Development Institute.

Alana Cheeks-Lomax is a People & Organizational Culture expert. She is Co-Founder of Untold Impact and a former tech executive. Host of Office Hours: The Black Girl Podcast, a community dedicated to centering the stories of Black women in the workplace, she also serves as a trustee on two non-profit boards